From New Age to Christian
A seeker's journey
Hi, my name is Rebecca, and this is a rather short version of my story
God decided that I was to be born into a Catholic family in a village in Buckinghamshire. My mother was of Irish descent and my father had converted to Catholicism after the war and was very active in service at our local church. I grew up being taught that the Catholic Church with its rituals and rules was the only true Church and way to God.
Many a Sunday was spent gazing up at the large wooden crucifix at the front of my church, just wishing I could climb up and pull out the nails of Jesus’ hands and feet, and lift him down. I didn’t understand that it was because of my sin that he had died. The Catholic church gave me the impression that I am only forgiven when I go to confession and do ten Hail Marys as a penance.
However, it was at a Catholic Youth Conference that God really started me off on a long journey. There they had projected on a wall an image of Christ suffering with a crown of thorns on, and looking at it, I began to understand that he had died for me. I sat contemplating this when something strange happened.
I felt a presence come over me, something that felt so heavenly, loving and beyond me, but I had no idea what it was. It was like something came alive within me. The feeling subsided after a minute or two, but when I tried to ask my parents about it that night, they looked confused and told me to just go to bed.
I didn’t feel I could ask anyone else about it after that but I was determined to find out what had happened and longed for more. Thus I went to my local library to look in the spiritual section. There were a couple of dull-looking books about Christianity but next to them were some colourful-looking New Age type of books, promising enlightenment. I remember nervously borrowing them, knowing my parents wouldn't approve.
The Turmoil Begins
It began a long journey for me where at first I would struggle with trying to discern the truth, flipping back to Catholicism and even telling my parents I wanted to be a nun. But they insisted I go to university first, and there I discovered the Internet in its early years. Before long my online research had led me to a New Age community that told me I didn’t need priests to stand in between me and God, but that there were plenty of Spirit Guides and ascended masters to guide me instead.No longer did I have to think about being a sinner, but there was karma that I had to work to balance if I wanted to get close to God. All along I was seeking to know God, seeking to experience again that moment of connection to someone greater than myself that I had had a taste of in that conference. It was like I was being driven from within to keep searching, but no New Age teaching really brought me peace.
Skip forward 20 years, and I had been recovering from a failed marriage, having lived in Sweden for 13 years and was now back in England. The religion I was following now was a mix of New Age, Catholicism and eastern beliefs, all put together and claiming (once again) to be the one true path. Those years had been spent praying to God to know the truth, and for him to provide me with a Godly husband, and during a conference, I met Ko from the Netherlands.
The Return
After 3 years of knowing each other, we had gotten married and moved to Gloucestershire, where some friends had rented a house so we could live together in a New Age type of commune. Although it felt like it was a dream come true to live in a community with like-minded people, I wasn’t happy. No matter how hard I tried to clear karma by doing hours of prayers called decrees, no matter how hard I tried to be good, I was often getting angry and depressed. There were lots of tensions in the house and it proved far harder to live together than I expected.
We had a teacher from America living with us, who we called our Guru. She was unimpressed with us as she had unrealistic expectations for us, and left after only a few months, declaring us all to be the bottom of the barrel. Thus began a dark period for me where I struggled to understand what had happened. Then a miracle happened.
This teacher had gone quiet for two years, but then she started to post online a new message on her website, declaring all the teachings as false, and that the Bible contained the only truth. She encouraged us to read it and to follow only Jesus Christ, not those beings who were calling themselves ascended masters. God had saved her.
Shocked but obedient, I grabbed a bible and started to read it, first the New Testament, then the old. It became quickly obvious that I had been caught up in a lie for many years. The Gospel of Grace was clear: Nothing we do on earth will earn our salvation, it has already been won for us by the death and resurrection of Jesus, the only son of God.
A Weight is Lifted
All those years of trying to win salvation and entry into Heaven by ritual were lifted off my shoulders by God. I became very aware of my sin of trying to win my salvation by works and repented to Jesus. At that moment, that feeling of a heavenly Presence came over me again, more than 20 years after the first time.
Finally, God had shown me what I was looking for. It had been in the bible all along, but I had looked in so many places except there. Now after five years of being a born-again Christian, I know and love that Presence as the Holy Spirit. Looking back I see he was always with me in the background. He has been steering me gently, keeping me seeking and waiting for me to return to Jesus, and to the foot of the cross.
In the winter of 2019, my husband and I got baptised, just before Covid struck. I cannot get enough of contemplating the amazing fact that the Presence of a Holy and truly good God is with me. The more I sing and praise Him, the closer it feels like He draws to me. His Spirit stirs me up to want to follow Jesus in his commandments. He fills me with Joy unspeakable. He has been the driving force in my life, and I hope he never lets go of the steering wheel!
I pray that everybody who visits this website gets to experience that Holy Presence in them, that you all get to know God in that intimate loving relationship he wants with us all. It is a Presence that will not leave us unchanged.
When we gather together to talk about God and study His Word, He draws near to us. We have been bought by Jesus to be his bride, and He is just waiting for our friendship and worship to build a bridge between Heaven and Earth which leads us home.
